Phil stops. He... thinks, tries to find what other angle Ossie must be getting at, but he is in fact still running on remarkably little sleep and a lot of stress and fumes, and he can't seem to come up with anything that he hasn't repeated to himself a hundred times already.
"I, uh, I assumed so?" Wait uh. "I mean I just--I didn't want me to do that. No, Rita had some flings just for fun with pretty people before she married me, and that was fine, but I. I couldn't let myself do that. That's what I did before."
"I have sucked more anonymous cock than Mae West on her hen-do. And that was before the practice was decriminalized. I have been a perfect stranger to a number of lovely women who have never so much as asked my name. We are inheritors to a fine art, which is to say the artform- and it is an artform- of cruising."
...
"Not in the- now how we're presently doing it, you get the meaning. The art of listening to subtle tells, of openness, and curiousity, and- most vitally- desire for completely and perfectly vapid reasons. The issue was always the mutuality of the practice, and not your wants. So you liked pretty women- who doesn't? If you had been honest about what you were after then I can assure you, you still would have ended up in beds, being the perfectly charming man that you are. Desiring is never the issue, wot?"
Ah. Yeah. This is familiar territory. The gentle patience, the advice, the laying out in words what should have been obvious to him the way it always seems to be for others. So much of Punxsutawney will never know what they did for him. Ossie's words get slotted into the mental filing cabinet neatly between everything else he's ever been told.
He still can't seem to quite stomach the idea for himself. All he did when we was chasing vapid pleasures was screw up the whole routine and hurt people, so he stopped. Trying to do it again is...
"I recommend finding one little desire when you wake up in the morning, and then try and fulfil it if you can. Needn't even be sexual, frankly, sometimes I wake up with cravings of a variety of sources. It's the listening that's the tricky part. Often when we start listening is when we feel we can start speaking again, that some little desire will tip us off to something more substantial. Perhaps I wake up with the desire to have my cock sucked, and eventually I work out that I want Giles to do it, because I like some aspect of it. Or maybe I just want intimacy with someone new, or I don't want to be doing the work for once."
Ossie shrugs.
"And Phil? Give yourself a break, if you can. If we all stepped out of the ocean fully formed in our sexualities, dripping pearls like radiant Aphrodite, the world would look very different. I had awkward, uncomfortable, even regretful encounters. They make up the tapestry of the life I've lived, and point me better towards what I want, yes?"
"Right," he murmurs, nodding. "I mean, I know, I just... yeah. It's just--I need to think about it. I don't think I know what I do or don't want at this point. I guess this is the kind of thing where all you can do is try things out, huh."
Which makes him incredibly nervous, but. What else is there for him to do about this.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-01-08 09:28 am (UTC)Phil stops. He... thinks, tries to find what other angle Ossie must be getting at, but he is in fact still running on remarkably little sleep and a lot of stress and fumes, and he can't seem to come up with anything that he hasn't repeated to himself a hundred times already.
"I, uh, I assumed so?" Wait uh. "I mean I just--I didn't want me to do that. No, Rita had some flings just for fun with pretty people before she married me, and that was fine, but I. I couldn't let myself do that. That's what I did before."
no subject
Date: 2024-01-08 11:06 am (UTC)"I have sucked more anonymous cock than Mae West on her hen-do. And that was before the practice was decriminalized. I have been a perfect stranger to a number of lovely women who have never so much as asked my name. We are inheritors to a fine art, which is to say the artform- and it is an artform- of cruising."
...
"Not in the- now how we're presently doing it, you get the meaning. The art of listening to subtle tells, of openness, and curiousity, and- most vitally- desire for completely and perfectly vapid reasons. The issue was always the mutuality of the practice, and not your wants. So you liked pretty women- who doesn't? If you had been honest about what you were after then I can assure you, you still would have ended up in beds, being the perfectly charming man that you are. Desiring is never the issue, wot?"
no subject
Date: 2024-01-08 11:32 am (UTC)He still can't seem to quite stomach the idea for himself. All he did when we was chasing vapid pleasures was screw up the whole routine and hurt people, so he stopped. Trying to do it again is...
"So--so what would you say? Or do? Recommend?"
no subject
Date: 2024-01-08 11:41 am (UTC)Ossie shrugs.
"And Phil? Give yourself a break, if you can. If we all stepped out of the ocean fully formed in our sexualities, dripping pearls like radiant Aphrodite, the world would look very different. I had awkward, uncomfortable, even regretful encounters. They make up the tapestry of the life I've lived, and point me better towards what I want, yes?"
no subject
Date: 2024-01-09 06:58 am (UTC)Which makes him incredibly nervous, but. What else is there for him to do about this.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-09 07:25 am (UTC)And, immediately, as so Phil doesn't think he's offering his guidance just to crack onto him-
"More coffee?"
wrap
Date: 2024-01-09 07:28 am (UTC)"Yes, if you please."